Scared and Not Ready to Graduate

I am. Ready to graduate, that is. It is the things that come along with graduation that are staring me in the face, blocking my goals and hovering over me. I am afraid of those things. I am afraid of making irreversible decisions. I am afraid of saying the wrong thing to people who mean so much to me. I am afraid of taking the first step in a direction I am not sure is the right one.

I am dazed And.

I am confused.

I am rickety.

I am questioning everything.

Are my friends truly my friends? Lately, I wonder if friendship is something I want. I have friends but I feel fake around them. But is that their fault or my own? I wonder which friendships are friendships of convenience, and which ones are friendships that will last.
I am afraid that I do not know who I am.
What if everything about me is simply a projection?
Some days I feel that I am a strong human, with intention and purpose and individual thought.
Other days, I feel that I am a reflection, I am a bag of leftover groceries.

A friend just wrote me a love letter.

I am in despair.

I have never been in this situation before. I have never wanted to make someone happy in a way that I could not even attempt. I have never felt so utterly wanted, yet so empty inside. He does not see me. Or maybe he sees me better than I am capable of seeing myself. Either way, I am lost. I am in a sunlit forest, the sun is setting, and I need to find the path before the dark comes.

That is how i AM.